Taking out his 3-wood, he took another mighty swing; the ball hit a tree, bounced back, hit him in the forehead and killed him.

As he approached the gates of Heaven, St. Peter saw him coming and asked, "Are you a good golfer", to which the man replied: "Got here in two, didn't I?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Blond Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and
he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that..."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

Really the looks of these chinese people are so same. Also many times their names are so confusing.

Here is 1 funny story about that 1 chinese told me when a group from IBM china came to IBM india.

But I really feel sorry for that I really dont remember his name . Also next day I fergot Who really out of them told the story . But was a nice one . :-)

Once upon a time in China, lived two Chinamen. One named I cum and one named No cum.

No cum marry pretty Chinese girl named No cum tu.

For velly obvious reason No cum and No cum tu not have any children.

One day, No cum went out of town on business and I cum came over and spent the night with No cum tu.

That night I cum came and No cum tu came too. This make both velly happy.

However about 7 or 8 months later, No cum see he about to become father but he not know how come, so when baby come, he named it, How cum u cum.

Of course, I cum and No cum tu know How cum u cum came but to this day No cum not know how come How cum u cum came!

Cum again?

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked!"

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But, I did send them."

"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.

"Yes. That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer. "It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card."

"Young man -- I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid *good* money and this room won't do at ALL! It's too small, there's no ventilation, no TV -- there's not even a BED!"

"Ma'am, this is the elevator."

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train.

Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember that there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the B1TCH in the kitchen!"

"Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!"

At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead.

"Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?"

"Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse.

At the next bed the patient has his feet and hands strapped to the bed. he's biting hard on a wooden spoon and his eyes are bulging out of his head.

"Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?"

"OH SHIT!" replied the nurse.

I was working on a SAP project at client side. Team size was of 10 people. Out of 10, 5 were supposed to do programming. I was new to everybody in the team & wasn't knowing how people are good at programming.

There was one girl in our team, she was also a programmer. I know your next question might be how does she look like.

yup She had good looks. And always flirting with every body. She had a nice sense of humor.

I had no idea about her programming skills. We continued doing time pass, had a lunch, tea together. Then got to know, she was going for smoking also after her lunch. and I was giving company to her . In all became nice friends till the time when we were not having any work.

Our team lead gave assignment of programming to each of us. Everybody finished their assignment on time except that girl couldn't finish it, she needed technical assistance. I gave her all kind of assistance. Explained every details of coding that she would require. But at last I got tired. For a moment I though "where the hell I got into " .

That onwards she started asking me every details of her coding. Now I really got frustrated and was really angry. Then once again she asked "How can I code for this requirement". Though I was angry I controlled my anger , and told her " Dear why don't you use LOGIC in your code, you will notice that your program will be so easy".

After telling her I went for a tea. Then when I came back , she smiled at me and once again asked Q " I have used LOGIC in my program " Now please tell me how to proceed. I saw her program. She had declared a variable called LOGIC in her program.

I was about to cry at her innocent coding and finally I concluded that "Its really difficult to find a beauty with brain , The one who finds really enjoys with her rest of the life and others are simply loosers"

Then he asked "Do U drink ? " I replied " Yes I do
Whats wrong with that I do exercise everyday , So I don't think there should be a problem "
He said these are all poisonous . They will kill you slowly slowly.

Hell . Let it be slowly , slowly . Who wants to die so early and go to hell so early.